Totally lame.

a little bit louder now   a little bit softer now

Today Gabe is wearing a brown sweatshirt, a teal jacket, khaki pants, and black shoes.

Hi my name is Kate and I can’t stop talking.

The last few weeks have been completely bonkers, and tonight as I buzzed and babbled during an hourlong phone call with my parents, I realized just how non-stop my last few weeks have been and how twisty bouncy my brain has become.

I am not someone who normally gets too busy or stressed out in a problematic way — at least in the sense that I don’t ever get so busy for long periods of time that I’ll, for example, stop taking care of things. Like, when I get super busy I don’t forget to clean my house or call my parents or pick up the mail or whatever. But the last few weeks, I have been doing all of those things.

Or rather, forgetting to do those things.

But the crazy thing is, I have not been unhappy or feeling particularly overwhelmed in these last few weeks. I have been busy, but — and maybe it’s because there was just so much going on with travel and work and taxes and everything that there was no other option — I have just greeted each day by bounding out of bed and go-go-going until bedtime.

Even my breaks have been all about getting things done. I am someone who takes lots of breaks and doesn’t feel guilty about it, but recently my motivation was different than normal. I usually take breaks to treat myself; for example, I love going on walks, so I take a walk because it sounds great.

In the last couple of weeks, though, I’ve been taking walks because I know they will recharge me and I will come back to my work more effective and smart.

Anyways, yesterday I spent the entire day driving 10+ hours up to Seattle to attend a mentor event this morning, and in the last 48 hours I have simply not been able to stop talking. I’ll talk to anyone, about anything, for as long as possible. I feel like I’m doing that kind of too-tired crazy talking — where you lose track of yourself mid-sentence, go on long meandering tangents, and can’t quite predict what’s going to come out before you say it.

But then here’s the other thing — in the last few weeks, where this momentum and energy has been building and building, I have also been making so many big connections in my mind too. About my life and my career and the people around me, and I can’t help but think that part of this crazy buzzy feeling is just all these things colliding in my brain.

So here is what I wonder:

I wonder if all these connections are coming because I am using my brain so much in my work, in my relationship, in my off-time listening to podcasts about things like motherhood (as opposed to comedy, which is fairly passive to listen to, but motherhood podcasts are this whole huge world of completely new, funny-but-honest information) in such a way that it is always on, always firing and seeing things coming together in new ways, more than it normally does.

Or maybe all these new connections and ideas are happening organically, but their coming together is what is causing me to feel extra fired up, which is causing all the extra productivity and engagement with things like work and extracurriculars.

Like, I wonder if the new connections are causing the crazy energy and engagement, or if the energy and engagement cause the connections.

…This blog post isn’t very funny, but it is very cathartic.

Anyways, the reason I am writing all of this is that I can feel all this crazy energy and momentum starting to near the wall. I have the feeling that tonight I will sleep very soundly, and that tomorrow I might wake up my normal self. Or at least I am hoping that’s what will happen.

This trip to Seattle — when it ends in a few days — will be the last piece of a super-busy, super-all-over-the-place several weeks. Like 4 crazy busy, crazy energy weeks.

And honestly, I kind of can’t wait. All these great connections and inspiring moments have been amazing and super motivating, but I would love a good night’s sleep, a quiet wake-up time, and a return to the Kate who takes things a little more slowly and quietly.

(PS. If you are curious about the stuff that has been on my mind [career-related-wise anyways] I have been writing on the Popforms blog a lot:

So you can read some of it there, if you are interested.)

Anyways, that’s what’s up and hopefully next week will be a return to cat stories (even though my friend Richard recently gave me the note “more Gabe, less cats”) and reflections on my failure/triumph as a yoga student.

a return to normalcy

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2 comments

  1. nilsdavis

    (Well, I know your motor is still revving today, because you responded today to my comment on the popforms blog!)

    I know that feeling where your brain is just filling up and making new connections and everything you see or do ties into everything else in a new way. Very exciting. (Happens to me weekly now with the TLN!) But one does need to recover from that after a while! Good luck to you on getting some recovery and rebuilding time.

    • Kate Stull

      Thanks Nils! I do feel much better today (even though I did spend a little of my relaxation time responding to emails and blog comments for Popforms) and so well rested for the week. I definitely needed to make myself stop with the momentum, disconnect, and then come back to everything with my normal speed and perspective. Phew!

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