And out.

please let me go back to playing at the park?   i can see them playing baseball without me!

Today Gabe is wearing a white t-shirt, red shorts, and brown flip flops.

This week my car broke down, my paycheck didn’t come in the mail, a freelance client I haven’t worked with in months sent me two assignments, and I had to work a day-long shift at the art museum I had agreed to and then forgotten about weeks ago. Oh, and it was Gabe’s birthday and we had houseguests and visitors coming in and taking off every day since Tuesday.

When I woke up this morning and realized that today was not only *not* a day off, but that I would spend all of it barely just starting on the actual work projects I had expected to be working on all week long, I thought I was going to cry.

I wrote a blog post on procrastination this week, and talked a bit about that feeling of being so overwhelmed by how much you should be doing that you don’t actually do anything at all. So of course it makes sense that three days later, I would be staring down a day where I finally had the house to myself and plenty of time to do all the things I wasn’t able to do all week, and now that I had the time — I found myself unable to even start.

The pileup of “stuff to do” was just too big. The many small things standing in between me and the work I actually wanted to do seemed so insurmountable that I couldn’t even start on one. I just kept circling back to the idea: “This list is too long. No matter how I re-order things, I will still just be getting started by the end of today.”

At some point in the late morning, though, after listlessly half-completing several tasks, I decided to take my own blog post advice and just do something. I sat down in front of the computer, and like a little kid eating their vegetables so they can have dessert, I scowled and whined and said I hated it, but I stayed at the table until this first assignment was done, and then like magic — a huge weight was off my shoulders.

“I did it once,” I thought. “I could do that again.”

So I did.

And now I’m nearing the bottom of my “small tasks” to-do list, and I may even get to tackle my big projects tomorrow. But mostly I am happy not to still be wasting my own time by procrastinating because seriously, what a waste.

Plus, my car got fixed yesterday, my check came in the mail today, I got through my shift at the museum, and wrapped up my freelance projects this afternoon. So things are looking up, right?

Tonight, I’m having dinner with a friend, and then sitting very quietly not doing anything at all. Then maybe I’ll finally write that blog post about Gabe’s birthday that has been rattling around in my head since Wednesday, but we’ll see.



  1. draliman

    I also suffer from the “too much to do, I can’t even start” problem. The other one for me is “loads to do around the house but I’m on holiday all week so I won’t bother starting yet” syndrome – the more time I have, the less I do.
    I think maybe I’m just lazy 😉

    • Kate Stull

      I have that too — I’ll put things off “until I have the time” and then once I have the time, I really don’t want to spend my free time that way! That’s why I’m kind of nuts about doing things right away, and why procrastinating always drives me crazy. I just love free time too much.. 🙂

  2. topa

    Thanks for sharing. I love making a list, but then I sometimes hate it to work it through. But of course, I am proud when I did. But there is always one little thing I put from list to list and don’t get done in weeks. 😉

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