Today Gabe is wearing a blue sweatshirt, khaki pants, and brown shoes.
“It’s like — we wouldn’t dress up as pirates on Halloween because that is who we are all the rest of the year, you know?”
No, I don’t know. But I tried not to react as the woman in the nail salon explained to her pirate husband why it was crazy that one of their pirate friends dressed as a pirate for Halloween.
I was too busy to listen. I was standing in front of a wall of nail polish colors, frantically realizing I hadn’t given any thought to color choice before I’d arrived at the salon, which meant I was doomed to stare at the wall in indecision for the rest of eternity, and I didn’t have the spare brain cycles to devote to figuring out the context for this pirate story right now.
After a too-long delay, and in a “Kate, just grab something” frenzy, I grabbed a bubble gum pink and walked to the chair, trying to remind myself that making a bad call nail-polish-color-wise was not going to ruin my life. (And it turned out to even be a bad choice, but such is the mindset of someone who was moments ago completely paralyzed by indecision.)
Yesterday I had a terrible day, solely because I didn’t give a second of thought to how my day would go the night before. I’m realizing more and more that this is crucial for my happiness. I don’t have to plan out every second of the upcoming day, but I do need to know: “Is this a work day? What projects will I work on? Roughly how many hours? Or is it a day off? What kind of day off is it — is it a movies in bed day, or a going on a hike day?”
I didn’t make a decision Tuesday night, and consequently, Wednesday turned into a day of low-level anxiety as I shifted aimlessly from task to task. I couldn’t quite relax, nor could I dive into work. I just didn’t know what to do.
On a smaller scale, this happened to me again at the nail salon. I actually only went to get a mani-pedi because I wanted to relax and treat myself; I wasn’t going for my nails, I was going for my sanity.
So being suddenly confronted with a decision — one I should have been ready for, but hadn’t given a moment’s thought to — was startling.
In moments like those, I have to remember how lucky I am not to be living my life as a pirate. In the grand scheme of things, a wasted day or a bad nail polish choice is not so bad. Cannon fights, though? Crocodiles with alarm clocks in their bellies? No thanks. A land-lubber’s life for me.