Boo boo.

oooohh romeeeooooo   here's the romeo you ordered

Today Gabe is wearing a blue sweatshirt, red shorts, a grey sock, a brown sock, and black shoes.

Today, I wrote a long post all about my emotions and the last few days, and then I lost the post.

WordPress said, “Hey, really quick, I am just going to freeze and oh gosh I really hope you hit save at some point during that long post, because now all of the buttons on the screen are frozen because you tried to upload a picture of your new plant, I hope that’s okay!”.

And I said, “No, I did not hit save.”

So, now I am living in the worst of all possible worlds, which is the one where I have no one to blame but myself.

Maybe it’s for the best, though. The post I had written opened with a really depressing story about how I felt really depressed last week for no reason. It contained useful advice like, “If you feel the urge to cry during a mundane status update phone call, hold off until the call is done!” and “If you feel like you just want to put your head down anytime you work at a desk or table because you can’t stop thinking about the futility of everything, try working while lying down on the couch.”

Extra pro tip: these are not sustainable solutions.

So Sunday through Wednesday last week were pretty rough. I think maybe I was experiencing burnout? I had been working super hard, basically all the time, on Pop Star and I think maybe my brain just couldn’t take it anymore.

I didn’t feel particularly burnt out at the time, but I guess in hindsight that is what was happening. Rather than feeling enthusiasm or even just quiet understanding about the work that still needed to be done, I felt kind of desperate about it. Like it would never be done, and it would never be good either.

But then I ended up taking almost all of Wednesday off to hang out with Gabe because it was 80 degrees in Humboldt, which is unheard of, and we ended up eating pizza and playing baseball for most of the day, and then on Thursday I felt much better.

Then on Saturday I bought a plant and won a ping pong tournament. SO YEAH I GUESS I WAS FEELING BETTER.

I don’t have any experience taking care of a plant, really (I had a succulent when I lived in San Francisco, but the way that I came to no longer have that succulent was that it got LOST, so yeah, I’d say I was not great at taking care of that plant) but I think they look so nice in people’s houses and I think I have matured a little bit in the 4 years since I lost a plant in my apartment somewhere.

So I decided to get a plant.

nina the bellaMeet Nina, my parlor palm, aka my palm neanthe bella, aka my new most treasured and feared possession.

At the moment, she is sitting on the coffee table I inherited from my upstairs neighbor and she still lives in the plastic pot that she came in at the nursery. But I am hoping to upgrade soon. Maybe something ceramic?

I am deeply concerned about my ability to care for this plant, but I feel good about it so far. I felt the soil today (still moist) and I am trying my best not to worry about it.

(Gabe says the number one worst thing you can do when you have a plant is worry about it, which I don’t know whether that is the conventional wisdom or rather if that is just someone who knows me very well conveying important information to me (don’t worry about this plant) in a way that is meaningful to me (here is a rule to follow and a way to be the best at this).)

Which reminds me, I am still doing yoga and still struggling not to eye my fellow students to see if I am doing better than they are. But I am in a new class with a teacher who seems just great, and makes me want to get better at being more “yoga” about doing yoga. So I will keep you posted.

The final, and most exciting, thing I did this week was to win a ping pong tournament where I competed against all of Gabe’s parents friends, where I was paired with Gabe’s dad and we absolutely dominated the competition. We received a trophy for being so good.

better @ ping pong than uI only learned how to play ping pong last summer, so my entry into any tournaments is usually a quick one-game affair where I am eliminated almost immediately.

But this time, I really wanted to win. (And I had a great partner.)

I usually don’t feel competitive during group sports activities, because I would rather have fun with everyone than win and possibly become very un-fun in pursuit of that goal. But somehow this group of current and former hippies really knows how to walk that line.

I had great conversations about printmaking and theater and Giants baseball, along with my usual desperate attempts to explain what my job is and being met with friendly blank stares, and then the night concluded with everyone sitting around the living room singing songs while several of the guys played guitars, mandolins, etc.

All in all, a great end to a great weekend, which was a great end to a very strange week.

Finally, I will leave you with a song that has been stuck in my head all day and I am leaving it here 1. because I like it and 2. because I think if I can listen to it or perhaps pass it onto you to get stuck in your head, it finally won’t be running over and over again in my head.

Au revoir.



  1. Don Royster

    So instead of starting a post with a really depressing story about how you felt really depressed last week for no reason. You open with a story about how you didn’t save your post. That is sposed to cheer me up. Now I am really depressed about all those posts I didn’t save. Oh, well. Tell Gabe he is the bee’s knees and the cat’s pajamas.

    • Kate Stull

      I did realize that I still ended up starting this post with kind of a depressing story…but seriously, losing a post is the worst! I am going to be a much more diligent saver from now on. I will pass along your cat- and bee-related compliments to the Gabester. 🙂

      • Don Royster

        Gotta agree with you. Once upon a time I wrote this wonderful, at least I thought it was a wonder, this wonderful post. I wrote it in the blogging software and just as I finished everything crashed. That post went to Jesus, just like that sock I never can find for its mate. So now I write my posts in Word and save it along the way. Then I copy and paste it into the blogging software.

      • Kate Stull

        I think I am going the “writing in Word” route in the future too. The possibility of losing another post is just too painful!

  2. little red pen

    Good luck with the plant! Every now and then I lose a child in the house, but they make more noise than plants, so they’re easier to find. Plus, they come looking for me when they’re hungry. Hope the week continues to bring you light and balance.

    • Kate Stull

      I told Gabe I felt better prepared to care for a baby than for a plant, since at least a baby makes noise to tell you it needs something! 🙂 Fingers crossed this plant thing goes well… Thank you for stopping by and for the well wishes!

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